Other
"Stuttering John: Wait! Wait! Is that it? What, the movies over? Oh, yeah? Thats bullshit! Hi. You know who I am? Yeah, Im Stuttering John. And you know why Im pissed? Ill tell you why. Ive been getting up at 4:00 every morning to work for Howard. Ive been pissing off every publicist, burning every freakin bridge in the industry, And y-y-youd figure Howard would pay me back by putting me in his movie! No, he doesnt! Im not in the movie! Ive been in here for 8 years, cuttin his friggin potato! Ive been smacked around by Morton Downey, punched in the nose by Raquel Welch, and what do I get? I get fucking nothing! Thats what I get! Im not even in this fucking movie! Hes says Ill be in the sequel! Yeah? What sequel? Suppose the movie sucks? Th-th-th-there wont even be any sequel!"

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Kenny Pig Vomit Rushton
"This little puppys finally gonna get housebroken."

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Kenny Pig Vomit Rushton
"You are the Mother-fucking Antichrist!"

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Kenny Pig Vomit Rushton
"Howard Stern can kiss my ass in hell!"

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Howard Stern
"My name is Howard Stern, and welcome to the new morning show. And we have a new feature for you. This is, uh, something special. We have a traffic copter now here at WWWW. Lets go up to Mama Look-a boo boo day in the traffic copter. Mama, you there? Hello? Mama? Uh. [Helicopter sound effect] Hello? [In Mamas voice] Yes, hello. This is Mama Look-a boo boo day, the only black traffic reporter in the Detroit area, Im proud to say. [in his normal voice] Pleasure to make your acquaintance this morning, Mama. Tell me, uh, whats going on in the traffic? [in Mamas voice] First, a political statement, if I may. Kill, Kill, Kill... The White Man, by Eugene Mama Look-a boo boo day. Eugene is my pen name cause I wrote this while I was in the pen. OK, here we go. Kill, kill, kill the white man. Kill him until he is dead. Kill the white man. Thank you."

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Howard Stern
"[while playing country music] Howdy, cowpokes. Uh, I know I shouldnt be interrupting in the middle of a song, but I got to tell you something. I know a lot of you out there really love this music, but I just dont get it. Explain it to me. And maybe its cause I went to college, and I never drove a truck and had sex with my daddys sister, but...I guess what Im trying to say is, I...I dont think Im the man for this job. So this is your old pal Hopalong Howie saying I quit. I... I think I quit."

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Howard Stern
"It was then that I made a startling discovery...Lesbians equal ratings."

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Howard Stern
"I am the hero of the lesbian community, am I not, Robin?"

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Howard Stern
"I am Officer Howie, and theres a new law in town. Were taking it over."

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Howard Stern
"[to Alison] Its unbelievable. I got a job offer today from WNBC in New York. Afternoon drive, the most powerful radio station in their chain, $150,000 a year. And they said if I do really well, theyre gonna syndicate my program all over the country. This is it. This is everything I want. Its like...Its the dream, the Big Apple."

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Howard Stern
"I was in the program directors office. His name is Pig Vomit. Yes, because he looks like a pig, and he makes you want to vomit. Hes Pig Vomit."

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Howard Stern
"I want to pray to God right now. Jesus Christ, who I love so much, more than anything in the whole world, I am begging you, please...send a hit man to the United States of America to kill Pig Vomit finally. Thank you. I love you, God. Ill do whatever you say if you just make that come true."

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Howard Stern
"You know, I could get this girl. I know I could get her. And this is the hell thats my life. I mean, think about it. What would it be like to have sex with her? It would be amazing. But Im not going to act on it. You know why? Because Id be a schmuck. No, because I love Alison. She stuck with me through the whole thing, you know? You gotta respect that. I think you have to respect that. You have to respect that."

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Howard Stern
"So occasionally I make a fool of myself in public, and the FCC wants me off the air, and every fundamentalist group in this country hates my guts, and, yeah, most of the things I do are misunderstood. Hey, after all, being misunderstood is the fate of all true geniuses, is it not? But my life isnt bad at all. Im still on the air, Ive got my kids, and Ive got Alison. Alison... Shes the best friend I could ever have. And who knows? With a little time, the right energy...I think I could talk her into some hot lesbo action."

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