"J.T.: Hey there little Yankee wuss! Look here, got your $200. You gonna kick the shit out of me now?"

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Vincent LaGuardia Gambini
"Stan, youre in Ala-fuckin-bama. You come from New York. You killed a good-ole-boy. There is no WAY this is not going to trial!"

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Vincent LaGuardia Gambini
"Its a procedure. Like rebuilding a carburetor has a procedure. You know, when you rebuild a carburetor, the first thing you do is you take the carburetor off the manifold? Supposing you skip the first step, and while youre replacing one of the jets, you accidentally drop the jet, it goes down the carburetor, rolls along the manifold, and goes into the head. Youre fucked. You just learned the hard way that you gotta remove the carburetor first, right? So thats all that happened to me today. I learned the hard way. Actually, it was a good learning experience for me."

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Vincent LaGuardia Gambini
"[explaining how he became a lawyer] Well, I got a bullshit traffic ticket. I went to court, I got the cop on the stand, and I argued with him until he admitted he was wrong. And the judge, this Judge Malloy. All the while hes laughing and smiling. And then afterwards, he asks me to go to lunch with him. Then he says to me, you know what? Youd be a good litigator. I didnt know what the hell he was talking about, I dont know what a litigator is. I never thought of becoming a lawyer. But this Judge Malloy, whos from Brooklyn, too? He did it, so all of a sudden, it seemed possible. So I went to law school."

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Vincent LaGuardia Gambini
"[as the cook puts a big blob of lard on the stove] Excuse me, you guys down here hear about the ongoing cholesterol problem in the country?"

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Vincent LaGuardia Gambini
"Sure, sure I heard of grits. Ive just never actually SEEN a grit before."

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Vincent LaGuardia Gambini
"I bought a suit. You seen it. Now its covered in mud. This town doesnt have a one hour cleaner so I had to buy a new suit, except the only store you could buy a new suit in has got the flu. Got that? The whole store got the flu so I had to get this in a second hand store. So its either wear the leather jacket which I know you hate, or this. So I wore this ridiculous thing for you."

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Vincent LaGuardia Gambini
"Ok, you can help. Well use your pictures. AH! These are, Im sorry, these are going to be a help. I should have looked at these pictures before. I like this, uh, this is our first hotel room right? Thatll intimidate Trotter. Heres one of me from behind. And I didnt think I could feel worse than I did a couple of seconds ago. Thank you. Ah, heres one of the tire marks. Could we get any farther away? What, did you shot this from up in a tree? Whats this over here? Its dog shit. Dog Shit! Thats great! Dog shit, what a clue. Why didnt I think of that? Heres one of me reading. Terrific. I shouldve asked you along time ago for these pictures. Holy shit, honey, you got it! You did it! The case cracker, me in the shower! I love this! Thats it!"

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Vincent LaGuardia Gambini
"[as Bill is speechless and hugging him] Bill, listen. Take your time, pick the right words, get back to New York, give me a call."

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