"Detective: Were wasting our time. Can you imagine Ellie Andrews riding on a bus?"

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"Shapeley: Shapeleys the name - and thats the way I like em!"

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"Shapeley: [to Ellie] Well, shut my big nasty mouth! It looks like youre one up on me. You know, theres nothing I like better than to meet a high-class mama that can snap em back at ya. Cause the colder they are, the hotter they get. Thats what I always say. Yes, sir, when a cold mama gets hot, boy, how she sizzles. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Now, youre just my type. Believe me, sister, I could go for you in a big way. Fun-on-the-side Shapeley they call me, with accent on the fun, believe you me."

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Mr. Andrews
"[to King Westley] I admit Im licked. But its only because Im worried. If I dont find her soon, Ill go crazy...if she returns, I wont interfere with your marriage."

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Mr. Andrews
"[to Ellie, as she is walking down the aisle] That guy Warne is OK. He didnt want the reward. All he asked for was $39.60, what he spent on you. Said it was a matter of principle. You took him for a ride. He loves you Ellie. He told me so. You dont want to be married to a mug like Westley. I can buy him off for a pot of gold. And you can make an old man happy and you wont do so bad for yourself. If you change your mind, your cars waiting back at the gate."

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Ellie Andrews
"[to Peter] There is a brain behind that face of yours, isnt there? Youve got everything nicely figured out for yourself."

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Ellie Andrews
"[to Peter] You think Im a fool and a spoiled brat. Well, perhaps I am, although I dont see how I can be. People who are spoiled are accustomed to having their own way. I never have. On the contrary. Ive always been told what to do, and how to do it, and when, and with whom. Would you believe it? This is the first time Ive ever been alone with a man!...Its a wonder Im not panic-stricken...Nurses, governesses, chaperones, even bodyguards. Oh, its been a lot of fun."

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Peter Warne
"[to his boss, on the phone] In a pigs eye, you will!...Hey listen monkey face, when you fired me, you fired the best newshound your filthy scandal sheet ever had...That was free verse, you gashouse palooka!"

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Peter Warne
"[to his boss, who has already hung up] Oh, so youre changing your tune, eh? Youre a little late with your apologies. I wouldnt go back to work for you if you begged me on your hands and knees. And I hope this will be a lesson to you."

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Peter Warne
"I never did like the idea of sitting on newspaper. I did it once, and all the headlines came off on my white pants. On the level! It actually happened. Nobody bought a paper that day. They just followed me around over town and read the news on the seat of my pants."

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Peter Warne
"[to Ellie] Now listen, I put up a stiff fight for that seat. So if its just the same to you - scram!"

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Peter Warne
"[in a telegram] Am I laughing? The biggest scoop of the year just dropped in my lap. I know where Ellen Andrews is...How would you like to have the story, you big tub of mush...Will try and get it. What I said about never writing another line for you still goes. Are you burning? PETER WARNE"

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Peter Warne
"[to Ellie] Now thats my whole plot in a nutshell. A simple story for simple people. If you behave yourself, Ill see that you get to King Westley. If not, Ill just have to spill the beans to Papa."

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Peter Warne
"[to Ellie] Perhaps youre interested in how a man undresses. You know, its a funny thing about that. Quite a study in psychology. No two men do it alike. You know, I once knew a man who kept his hat on until he was completely undressed. Now he made a picture. Years later, his secret came out. He wore a toupee. Yeah. I have a method all my own. If you notice, the coat came first, then the tie, then the shirt. Now, uh, according to Hoyle, after that, the, uh, pants should be next. Theres where Im different..."

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Peter Warne
"[to Ellie] Dont be a sucker. A good nights restll do you a lot of good. Besides, you got nothing to worry about: the walls of Jericho will protect you from the big bad wolf."

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