Harold
"I havent lived. [beat] Ive died a few times."

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Mrs. Chasen
"I suppose you think that’s very funny, Harold."

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Maude
"Ill never understand this mania for black. Nobody sends black flowers, do they? Black flowers are dead flowers. Who sends dead flowers to a funeral? Its absurd."

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Maude
"Well if some people get upset because they feel they have a hold on somethings. Im just acting as a gentle reminder, here today, gone tomorrow so dont get attached to things. Now with that in mind I dont mind collecting things. Ive collected quite a lot of stuff in my time. Yeah, this is all memorabilia — but it’s incidental, not integral, if you know what I mean."

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Maude
"Ah, me. Free as a bird. You know, at one time I used to break into pet shops and liberate the canaries, but I decided that was an idea way before its time. Zoos are full, prisons are overflowing. Ah, my. How the world still dearly loves a cage."

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Maude
"Dont get officious. Youre not yourself when youre officious. That is the curse of a government job."

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Maude
"Grab the shovel, Harold."

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Maude
"A lot of people enjoy being dead. But they are not dead, really. Theyre just backing away from life. Reach out. Take a chance. Get hurt even. But play as well as you can. Go team, go! Give me an L. Give me an I. Give me a V. Give me an E. L-I-V-E. LIVE! Otherwise, you got nothing to talk about in the locker room."

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Maude
"[A flock of sea gulls fly across the sky] Dreyfus once wrote from Devils Island that he would see the most glorious birds. Many years later in Brittany he realized they had only been sea gulls... For me they will always be -- glorious birds."

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