Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy
"When my brothers and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker."

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Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy
"[singing] He slams the door, He stomps his feet, He sends me to bed with zilch to eat. But my step-dads not mean, hes just adjusting."

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Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy
"Captain Kangaroo, like Jesus Christ, was someone you could really believe in. With those guys, it wasnt about the bells and whistles and the rickety-rackety; it was all about the work. Especially Jesus."

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Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy
"Now Im not pointing any fingers, Lord knows you start pointing fingers and someones gonna get poked. And I want you both to know that its not my intention to try and...poke either of you."

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Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy
"You cant change the world but you can make a dent."

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Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy
"Someone toss me a beach towel because my head is swimming."

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Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy
"Dont talk to me like that. I am not your puppet."

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Sheldon Mopes/Smoochy
"Lets face it. Big junkies come from little junkies. We gotta nip this in the bud, Burke!"

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Rainbow Randolph
"Bastard son of Barney! Die! Die, stuffed ball of fluff! Illegitimate Teletubbie! Die, you Muppet from hell! Die, you foam motherfucker!"

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Rainbow Randolph
"That fuschia fuck! Im gonna tear him apart, piece by piece!"

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Rainbow Randolph
"Even when youre squeaky clean, you can still fall in the mud."

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Rainbow Randolph
"[Smoochy holds up a penis-shaped cookie made by Randolph] What are you, blind? Its a cock! Its not a rocket, you sick fuck! Its a cock! Look. Its a cock and balls! A dick! Chorizo and the huevos! Its a big stiffy! Its a penis! Penis maximus! A willie! A weenie! Mr. Jiggle Daddy! The one-eyed wonder weasel! Dont you see that? Its Jimmy and the twins. Rumple Foreskin. He made this. Its made from dil-dough."

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Rainbow Randolph
"You better grow eyes in the back of your head, you horned piece of shit, because Im not gonna sleep until worms are crawling up your foam-rubber ass! Im goin on safari, motherfucker! SAH-FAR-I! [makes a rhino noise]"

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Rainbow Randolph
"[to a baby, after framing Sheldon] Hello, little nipple-nibbler. The rhinos a Nazi!"

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Rainbow Randolph
"[after being assaulted by Tommy and her henchmen] All right, thats it, you bloodsucking freaks! Im suing your Riverdance act! Have you all shipped back home, eh?!"

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