Rufus
"Hi. Welcome to the future: San Dimas, California --- 2688. And Im telling you, its great here. The air is clean, the water is clean, even the dirt is clean! Bowling averages are way up, minigolf scores are way down. And we have more excellent waterslides than any other planet we communicate with. Im telling you, this place is great! But it almost wasnt. You see, 700 years ago, the Two Great Ones ran into a few problems. So now I have to travel back in time to help them out. If I should fail to keep these two along the correct path, the basis of our society will be endangered. Ah, but dont worry, itll all make sense. Im a professional."

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Rufus
"[putting on his sunglasses] Gentlemen... were history."

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Rufus
"[Last line] They do get better."

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Other
"Napoleon: [Napoleon fails to bowl a strike.] Merde! Merde! Merde! Merde! Merde! Merde! Merde! Merde! Merde! (Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!)"

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Other
"Mr. Ryan: It seems to me the only thing youve learned is that Caesar is a salad dressing dude."

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Other
"Sigmund Freud: I demand einen lawyer."

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Other
"Jock giving speech: San Dimas High School football rules!!"

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Other
"Socrates [speaking Greek] Like sands of the hourglass, so are the days of our lives."

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Other
"Abraham Lincoln: Be excellent to each other. ...And... party on, dudes!"

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Other
"Phone: Party on dude."

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Bill
"You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!"

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Bill
"Shut up, Ted!"

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Ted
"[future Ted to himself] Ted! Dont forget to wind your watch!"

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Ted
"Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K."

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Ted
"Now where are we, dude? Oh. Its my house."

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