Joe Gideon
"[repeated line] Its showtime, folks!"

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Joe Gideon
"Sometimes, I dont know where the bullshit ends and the truth begins."

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Joe Gideon
"[to Audrey] If I die, Im sorry for all the things I did to you. [to Kate] And if I live, Im sorry for all the things Im gonna do to you."

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Joe Gideon
"Do you supposed Stanley Kubrick ever gets depressed."

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Joe Gideon
"Stop smiling! Lay back! Lay back! Hold it, hold it, hold it. Candy, Casey, very good. Youre gonna do it again, Victoria. Gary, Danny, lets go. Stop smiling, its not the high school play. Count! Hold it. [to Victoria] Stand on your right foot. Point your left toe. Drop the shoulder. Now, thats not too hard, is it? Again!"

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Joe Gideon
"The pain is gone. Im OK. Nothing wrong with me, a rewite of the show wouldnt cure. A couple of good jokes is what I need."

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Joe Gideon
"[last lines, Joe is dying] Hey, at least I wont have to lie to you anymore."

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"OConnor Flood: Ladies and gentleman, let me lay on you a so-so entertainer, not much of a humanitarian, and this cat was never nobodys friend. In his final appearance on the great stage of life - uh, you can applause if you want to - Mr. Joe Gideon!"

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"OConnor Flood: [singing] Give it to me! Bye bye life, Bye bye happiness, hello loneliness, I think hes gonna die. Bye bye life, Bye bye happiness, Hello emptiness, I think hes gonna die. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Goodbye your life, goodbye."

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"Audrey Paris: You see, Sammy, in California everybody needs a car. I got a friend who bought a Mercedes just to get to the bathroom."

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"Davis Newman: This chick, man, without the benefit of dying herself, has broken down the process of death into five stages: anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Sounds like a Jewish law firm. Good morning, Angerdenialbargainingdepressionacceptance!"

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"Davis Newman: Theres all this bullshit with dignity. You know what death with dignity is, man? You dont drool."

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