Ace Ventura
"[as Captain Kirk] Captains Log, stardate 23.9, rounded off to the… nearest decimal point. Weve… traveled back in time to save an ancient species from… total annihilation. SO FAR… no… signs of aquatic life anywhere, but Im going to find it. If I have to tear this universe another black hole, Im going to find it. Ive… GOT TO, MISTER!"

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Ace Ventura
"Good evening Captain Stubing. How are Gopher and Doc? Permission to come aboard sir?"

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Ace Ventura
"If Im not back in five minutes...just wait longer."

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Ace Ventura
"[after getting attacked by a shark in the restrooms] Do NOT go in there! WOOOO!"

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Ace Ventura
"Im in Psychoville, and Finkles the mayor."

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Ace Ventura
"[to Lt. Einhorn] Whew… now I feel better. Course, that might not do any good; you see nobodys missing a porpoise. Its a dolphin thats been taken. The common harbor porpoise has an abrupt snout, pointed teeth and a triangular thoracic fin, while the bottlenose dolphin, or Tursiops truncatus, has an elongated beak, round cone shaped teeth and a serrated dorsal appendage. But Im sure you already knew that. Thats what turns me on about cha, your attention to detail."

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Ace Ventura
"Warning: Assholes are closer than they appear."

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Ace Ventura
"Einhorn is Finkle. Finkle is Einhorn. Einhorn is a man! Oh, my god! Einhorn is a man?! [after discovering Einhorns true identity and remembering being kissed by her]"

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Ace Ventura
"If the lieutenant is indeed a woman, as she claims to be, then she is suffering from the worst case of hemorrhoids I have ever seen! Thats why Roger Podacter was murdered! He found Captain Winky!"

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Ace Ventura
"Thats not Snowflake!"

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Ace Ventura
"I just cant do it Captain! I dont have the POWER!"

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Ace Ventura
"[to Dr. Handly] Im ready to go in, Coach, just give me a chance. I know theres a lot riding on it, but its all psychological. Just gotta stay in a positive frame of mind. [He stands up] Im going to execute a button-hook pattern, Super SlowMo."

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Ace Ventura
"Three fifty-one! Three fifty-one! Rover, SIT! HUT! HUT! [he mimics being handed a football and dive bombs over some bushes]"

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